The last Irish one (for now:))

After my last post in English I got slagged over that (oh big time!) because my mum couldn’t read it..hmm..I hope she will forgive me now…giving the fact that I am leaving Ireland and coming back home;) literally..I’m typing this in the aeroplane…and by coming back as you know now I don’t mean a little holiday…but getting back back…for good as they say…
A new chapter in my life just begun this morning when I woke up (pretty early) and tried to push rest of my life into two apparently small bags…so I pushed harder ;)) even though, some allowances had to be made so my lovely Janka got the nice task ship rest of my possession (however pathetic but still mine) back to Slovakia…god love her!..so after a very early visit at hers (when I also left a good bit for her, she doesn’t need to worry about tea and alcohol stock for a while ;)) I rushed (well, depending on the bloody traffic around Dundrum at the morning hour) to the car park where I met the new owner of my little yella fella…be good, you served me well..I had a good time with you…:) and then again, walking through the malls, breathing the retail air as my boss would say, I went home to wrap it up there, clean up a bit so they don’t get a bad impression about Slovaks, leaving the keys in the letterbox, as in a movie…and with tears on the edge, I went for my very last time to the office…well, not for the very last time, I will be back…just this time last time…everything was as it is always…busy, pulsing, breathing, living…I just popped in for a quick 15 minutes.. I couldn’t bear more…the tears were too close…last thoughts, last hugs and kisses, last goodbyes and see you soons….I am so going to miss that place…it meant a lot me, an awful lot…and it still means…you see, tears again…
But there is the time in everybody’s life when you need to move on..move…always on the move…I don’t mind giving it’s forward…so I have to embrace my sadness of leaving one life behind and look up to the new one..even though now I feel insecure but that just because it’s a new beginning… in an old place but still new…I don’t know what’s around the corner so there’s no point in getting depressed (yeah, read this in a month) or worried or anything else…just live..yeah, easy to say… but sure, who said it’s going to be an easy one, right? Getting back to be Slovak in Slovakia…it might seem simple enough but somehow I got further to this over the last couple of years…and I’m curious how I will settle back...and maybe this is only my mind wondering because has nothing else to do right now…maybe everything will be grand, sure why not, we’ll see…we always will see…the future when it comes to us… and in my little case that one starts in about 2 hours when this Boeing 737-800 lands…
For the last couple of weeks I’m getting these sixth sense feelings (type: I’ll see you again, our paths will cross again- I might just get mad alright!) but they are usually true…and I have a feeling that even though this blog was started to get me and you with me through my life in Ireland, it won’t finish now…it will serve the purpose of getting things off my chest…and sure that’s handy anytime…
And it doesn’t matter if it’s in English, Spanish, Slovak, it’s here for me to write loud what’s bothering me, what’s keeping me happy, laughing or crying…and if only one person reads it, that’s more than enough…
So…I guess I get back to sleep now, because with all my un-organised planning and packing and stuff around I have absolutely no bloody clue where my headphones are so I can’t watch anything in here..:(

[Mumford&Sons]…where you invest your love, you invest your life…I lived in Ireland…now it’s time to love more…goodbye Dublin…hello Slovakia….

One month to go...

..you know those little calendars you have on your desk, when every day you're supposed to take down one little page and see what motto of day is waiting for you..well I have one just like that on my work desk and the other day, the motto was "You can only go forward"...I guess that's right...with the 1st of October in the calendar, it just hit me..I have just another month to go....another month to get ready for my return...so I started already my notebook page "things to do before I go.."..one page is work-related and the other not ;) you know, when you need to get things sorted, get things bought, ger things sold, get things there where you want to have them to be so you can leave with "a clear shield" as my mum uses to say...I know now that there will be million and one things which won't just happen or I won't get time to get to...that's why I love lists - just see where the priorities are..and I love ticking off the items on the lists...the more the better...but at least some...I know I won't get a chance to go for a weekend to Kerry even though I'd love to so much...(but, based on last year, the weather there is now crap anyway, eh?)...that I'll hardly cross the border once more time to get the English feel of things...and more like those..BUT and that is an important 'but', I still know it's not the end of the days and I still can come back to visit...(well, where can you get such a great bargain as in the Sales here, right?)...so at the other side I am not overly worried if I don't get to something..just another reason to come back;)..and even though I love it here, it's just like in the song by U2 (just playing in the background here) ..'a house still doesn't make a home' ...'sometimes you can't make it on your own'.and that I miss something (someone:)....I know, despite the fact I had/are having a great time here the last couple of months, that this is only a transition period...something must come after it...there is a line to be drawn...that those few months served their purpose and I am more there where I wanted to be...in my inner peace...still some tweaking to do... but still some weeks to work on it...but as I see it now, I will be too busy with my "to do list" to get worried about it too much..:) there are things to be done, there are promises to be kept, there are times when you need to move on...to rise to another challenge and give it a chance...give it a try...and even though I know there will be sadness (there always is when you're leaving those who you love, leaving behind things you enjoy) and there will be probably more than one autumnly melancholic heart-talking blog posts, I know that is a part of the process...a part of the change...one of those things I learned here (and that list is endless, I'll maybe tell you one day) is that you can't fool your heart...and that for to be happy you have to do what you feel (just like I felt this post had to be in English)...(I'm tellin' ya, the autumn melancholy already kicked in!!- something to do with the pis*** rain outside??? :))..anyway..I'll just max up the volume on my music player now and get some nice positive tunes in...and maybe even get myself ready and start ticking off the boxes on the "to buy"-part of my list...I can only go forward...see you soon...

Slubeny..

Tri mesiace po poslednom zapisku..trosku neskor, ale predsa...od posledneho prispevku sa udialo celkom dost...nemozem ocakavat, ze teraz sa vam bude chciet citat podrobnosti o kazdom dni, vikende a tyzdni...a strucne sa to lahsie zapamata...takze co som robila od konca juna??..prisla domov na dovolenku, uzila si rodinku, pohodu a Pohodu, vody a slnka, jedla a pitia...a vratila sa nazad, nasla novy bytik (teda studio, vsak vieme), prestahovala sa, zabuchla si kluce od auta v aute (hej, zasa!), zvykla si kracat do roboty namiesto pol hodiny viezt sa autom, nie celkom si zvykla na fakt ze nema ruru a tak vsetko zapekane ja pasee na daky cas, po dvoch tyzdnoch rozbehala televizor, dvdcko a music system, urobila par vyletov do blizkeho okolia, dala si henna tatuvacku, stravila augustovy bank holiday na samote u lesa a uzila si to, zazila par nights out a ovela viac (relaxing) nights in, oslavila 26te narodeniny, kupila si prvy krem na ocne vrasky, znovu zacala chodit do posilnovne, vratila sa tiez k vyucovaniu, zvykla si na fakt ze uvarit sa da aj mensie mnozstvo jedla, odskocila si na rande do Prahy kde znovu videla svojho milovaneho, ktory prisiel neskor na letisko, dostala rychlokurz starania sa o Bianku (a celkom jej to islo, ci?), s radostou zase videla Hanku a Lubka, Scottyho a Matku, Petrika a vsetkych, ktori sa pritrafili za tych par dni, zazila neuveritelnu tour de Prag, predbehla sa v pasovom rade a skoro zmeskala lietadlo, ale vratila sa do vtedy uprsaneho Irska a bola vrucne privitana ako nenahraditelna v praci, prisla na lepsiu organizaciu prace, nasla si viac casu na obednajsie prestavky, poobedne "cups of tea" a "glass of vino" po robote, prisla celkom na chut obcasnemu povyrazeniu si do mesta, kupila si uzasne perly a asi 7 parov topank (vacsinou vysokych 10cm a viac), nasla si cas na rozmyslanie a dumanie, spanok a prechadzky na cerstvom vzduchu, oblubila si Desperado s limetkou a goat cheese tartlet with red onion, dala sa ostrihat, vyriesila trable Zlteho Diabla s chybnou baterkou, videla nespocetne mnozstvo epizod Friends a Supernanny, prilisnym cistenim odlupila cement zo zuba a nechala neuveritelnych €135 u miestneho zubara, zaplatila kreditkou takze ju to bude stvat este aj o mesiac a konecne si kupila a namontovala roletu. To by bolo v skratke, co sa udialo za tych par tyzdnov co som tu na vlastnu past..a aky je plan dalsich dni??oslavit Arthur's Day a moje meniny zaroven, naplanovat tych zvysnych par tyzdnov v robote, pomoc najst za seba nahradu, kupit letenku, vyuzit volne vikendy na rozluckove alebo ine party, have fun a potom sa vratit domov...and have fun there...

Alternativne riesenie..

Je nedela, vonku svieti slniecko a je krasne teplo na irske pomery a ja rozmyslam, ako setrne povedat, to co chcem..a dospievam k nazoru, ze to asi nepojde...lebo sklamem a zarmutim...tych, ktori sa tesili a cakali, ze v lete sa nadobro vratim domov...teda..ze sa vratime spolu s Pitkom...ale vsetci ti aj vedeli, ze sa mi velmi nechce, ze sa jednoducho na to este necitim..a tak, sme sa rozhodli pre plan B...strucne: v juli prideme domov, Pitko natrvalo a ja na dovolenku, po ktorej sa vratim do Irska na par mesiacov a zostanem do konca oktobra, kedy sa vratim aj ja..a hoci to nie je idealne riesenie, ani jednoduche, a byt od seba nie je super, ale aj ja som z tych, ktori ked nieco mozu komplikovat, tak to budu...vsak nech je sranda, ze?

..vysvetluje sa to tazko, ale sami to poznate, ked sa pre nieco rozhodnete, ale stale si nie ste tak uplne isti, ci ste urobili spravne..ja som cakala, ze cim viac sa bude planovany odchod blizit, tak sa moje pocity zmenia...ale nestalo sa tak..a preto som sa rozhodla urobit, co som citila..a tych par mesiacov ubehne ako voda a viem, ze mi to pomoze...

..prosim, nehnevajte sa a skuste ma pochopit...

..nase rozhodnutia ovplyvnuju inych, ale sme to my, kto nimi zijeme...

why...

Life is cruel.
Cruel enough to take the loved ones.
Nothing is left.
Only eyes for tears.
And you cry.
And cry.
Until no tears.
You wish you could take the pain away.
From those you care about.
But you can't.
And you know that nothing can cure the pain.
You can only cry.
And you will never understand.
Why beautiful people must leave.
Leaving that deep deep hole behind.
In others' hearts.
And nothing will ever be the same.

A dalsi prvy...

...prispevok do blogu, tentokrat s poradovym cislom roku 2010..a nech robim, co robim, stale mi to znie ako sci-fi (citaj saajfaaj)..

..a co sa vlastne zmenilo od posledneho zapisku?..nuz..stihla som vsetky predvianocne nakupy, predvianocne rozlucky na par tyzdnov, navstevu Santu, ziskanie titulu zamestnanca mesiaca, pripravu prvej vlastnej Stedrovecernej vecere(oblatky, cesnak, rybiskaaa, salat, kapustnica, vsetko bolo!), lukulske hody pocas styroch dni vianocnych v Irsku, tesenie sa z darcekov, ktore naozaj boli trefne a skvele, vyrabovanie prasiatka na povianocnych vypredajov, nakupenie darcekov pre zvysok rodiny a priatelov, let na rodnu hrudu, vydatne pokracovanie lukulskych hodov tentoraz z maminkinej dielne, prevzatie vela krasnych darcekov z ktorych potesili vsetky a kazdy jeden, uzivanie si rodinnej pohody a nicnerobenia, vsetkych clenov rodiny blizkej aj sirokej, kostovku vianocneho peciva a saloniek na stromceku, spoznanie novych novorocnych zvykov (doce uvas a wasabiii!!!!) a zopakovanie si tych starych, dalsie mile veci ako preventivnu prehliadku, opravu dvakrat opravovaneho zubu a odchod z ordinacie so semi-permanentnou zubnou vlozkou, sleepover v Cicmanoch, dokonca aj poobedie na lyziach, hru na zvieratka a ladove frtany (thanks again friends!), bleskovu navstevu Bratislavy (tam a spat za par hodin, ale stalo to za to), furmanske halusky pod Michalskou branou vo vybornej spolocnosti, stretnut skoro vsetkych mojej dusi milych ludi (aspon tych co sa nachadzali v rozumnom perimetri, ze moro!?), spoznat novych, ktori sa k nim isto zaradia, vidiet ako rastu krpci- Janik, Ado, Andrej, Anetka, Kristinka, Martinka - a niektori uz vlastne vobec nie su krpci, dat zase na chvilku dokopy irsku stvorku, teda teraz uz aj patku(pozdravjeme citron, ci pomelo teraz ;)), zazit znovu raz celonocnu cestu autobusom do Prahy, mat obavy zo snehovaj nadielky a transportnych minigalejji, uvidiet Hanicku a Lubka a zoznamit sa so slecnou Biankou, skutocne vyborne sa posackovat a potom sa napchat kurakovou nivovou kapsou v Blaninci, padnut na zadok na Vaclavaku a kupit si na pamiatku magnetku, znovu raz vidiet ihrat orloj a navstivit Druhy Svet, nenajst tu skvelu cukraren s uzasnymi zakuskami, konecne vyskusat meat/liver fondue, stravit o dve hodiny viac na letisku ako sa patri a ako je slusne, neskoro v noci dorazit domov a velmi skoro ist znovu do prace...a este som stihla ochoriet a za par dni sa z toho vystrabit, kupit si nove autoradio aby som konecne vniesla zase hudbu do mojich rannych a vecernych premiestnovani, dat si povestne Burdock's fish&chips a vdaka mojmu drahemu splnit si sen a vidiet We Will Rock You muzikal, so zivym, nie umelym;) Brianom May a Rogerom Taylorom, skvelou hudbou a kostymami, vypravou, efektami, no proste 1*, na ktoru sa nezabuuda...

celkom dost, nie?